Couples Counseling
I have advanced training and significant experience in working with couples from a relationship-based therapeutic approach called Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT), a highly-successful, empirically-validated approach for improving relationships. Developed by Dr. Sue Johnson, this approach digs deep to uncover the emotional meaning that we make out of our partner’s behavior.
Emotional meaning?
An example might go something like this: Our partner works late again and forgets about date night. We are hurt and can take in the emotional message that we are not important or I don’t matter to my partner. We react to this emotional message with alarm because we are wired for connection and our brain sees not mattering to our partner as a red alert emergency! So we go to our partner and tell them (usually with frustration or anger) exactly what they need to do better and how. Our partner sees our anger and our frustration, but our more vulnerable emotions like feeling not important likely stay hidden. The anger and frustration lands as criticism and they can take in a message like I can’t get it right for my partner or I’m failing. This is hard to feel and, again, this criticism from our partner creates alarm. This partner might create safety within themselves by retreating within themselves, going quiet, avoiding conflict, and waiting for the storm to blow over. But the very thing they do to create a feeling of safety feels like emotional distancing to the first partner, which creates more alarm. And the negative cycle continues.
People in couples therapy often say “Everything we do to try to make the situation better seems to make it worse.” And they’re right. It’s a common pattern in marriages. By bringing the focus to the hidden emotions that are fueling the underlying issues and unpacking them, I can help you begin to share with each other from a more vulnerable place and send clearer emotional signals to one another. In this place, you can find each other again and strengthen your bonds.
In addition to advanced training and significant experience with couples, I have a compassionate, non-judgmental way of working with clients
“For all of us, the person we love most in the world, the one who can send us soaring joyfully into space, is also the person who can send us crashing back to earth. All it takes is a slight turning away of the head or a flip, careless remark. There is no closeness without this sensitivity. If our connection with our mate is safe and strong, we can deal with these moments of sensitivity. Indeed, we can use them to bring our partner even closer. But when we don’t feel safe and connected, these moments are like a spark in a tinder forest. They set fire to the whole relationship.”
You’ve taken the first steps in this journey.
The next step is making the first appointment. Please feel free to reach out if you have any questions and I hope to have an opportunity to meet you and hear your story.
Trauma Treatment
We can think of trauma as any experience so intense that it floods our brain’s ability to process it. Think of a train that has lost power and just stops on the tracks. EMDR essentially jump-starts the engine and gets the train moving again so that it can effectively process the material.
Most people equate trauma with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). But trauma can come through many different kinds of experiences and can impact us in significant ways. As a general rule, the younger we are when trauma occurs, the more it shapes our brains (especially our limbic system, or nervous system). Well-intentioned others might say “What happened to you is in the past. You’re no longer in that situation, so why can’t you move on?”
However, when one has experienced trauma, the PAST IS PRESENT in our brain. Our limbic system instinctively alerts (by going into fight, flight, or freeze) to anything that seems potentially dangerous. The part of our brain that can think logically (pre-frontal cortex) goes offline in the face of this stress response. The brain continues to follow its primary programming – learn from past pain to keep us safe in the future. Problems arise when our body’s protective response begins to cause more problems than it solves. That’s where trauma therapy, and EMDR specifically, can really be helpful. You can find more information here.
What is EMDR? (scroll down the page to the section marked “for laypeople.”)
You’ve taken the first steps in this journey.
The next step is making the first appointment. Please feel free to reach out if you have any questions and I hope to have an opportunity to meet you and hear your story.
Young Adult Counseling
Those of us that are older often think about our time as young adults with nostalgia and filter out the reality of how tough it can be. Not only can adults romanticize this time in their lives, but they often fail to recognize that it’s an entirely different world than when they grew up. Young adults face similar challenges today, but those challenges are magnified by a constant stream of information about their lives that is not only constantly under a microscope but documented forever with pressure to share more and more in an ever-connected world.
At this stage of life, we have far more questions than answers. Who am I? What are my values? How do I cultivate a value-oriented life amidst the pressure of the world to conform? Will I find love? Am I loveable? Why do I feel like I’m “not enough?” What about this paralysis in the face of so much unknown about my future? Why am I always doing a million things at once or nothing at all? It can all feeling overwhelming.
If you are experiencing depression, anxiety, worry, or even emotional pain so big that you have thought about ending your life – please know that counseling can help! My experiences of working with young adults has been some of the most rewarding work of my career and I would be honored to accompany you in this process of healing and discovery.
You’ve taken the first steps in this journey.
The next step is making the first appointment. Please feel free to reach out if you have any questions and I hope to have an opportunity to meet you and hear your story.